So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
