I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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