mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
