I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
