I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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