either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
