you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
