i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
