Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
