I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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