my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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