my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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