He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
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Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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