and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I love you.
Bad choice
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
