using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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