She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
