The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
