Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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