just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
These tits shall not be calmed
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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