her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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