I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
