Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
