I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
