dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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