Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
