considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
