Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
