You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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