dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
