dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
