i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
