Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I have post one night stand depression
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
