Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I don't deserve a penis
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Randomize
