Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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