Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
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I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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