I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
