Got a toothbrush?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
