dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
