Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize