I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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