I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
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You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
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Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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