you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize