if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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