I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
