i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
