I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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