I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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