If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
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