Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
