Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
