dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
