Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
