I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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