he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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