So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
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The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
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He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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