3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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