Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
