so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Randomize
