My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
