it wasn't lemon gatorade
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he quoted the bible to break up with me
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
