weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
