Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
